And the Sound of My Heartbeat
by Rookie21
Summary: She's really done it this time. How can she get close to the one she loves even after she ended the relationship? Sneak into his room in the middle of the night, of course. Just be careful not to wake him up.


**Well dear readers, I'm finally back and my sabbatical from writing is over. Not my personal choice, just life getting a little too busy for my own good. I'm actually sad at how long it's been since I put something out but what can you do. **

**Anyway I was thinking of doing a few stories based off songs and developing a plot from the lyrics. I based this one off the Angels and Airwaves song Sirens. If you know the song, you'll see this story is strewn about with the lyrics. And oddly enough I did it based on Helga's viewpoint. It's kind of a challenge because ****A****:****this is the first time I'm using a first-person perspective and ****B****: being a guy; it was a bit of a test to write from a girls perspective. Interesting stuff.**

**I think it went pretty well, but that's where you guys come into play. Please read and review, I need all the help I can get.**

I had finally made it to the house. It was late. My phone read three thirty-two. Sneaking down the alley, I stared up and saw his window, knowing all too well that he was there. I had already come this far, I may as well continue. I gently reached up and pulled down the ladder of the fire escape, trying desperately to remain as silent as possible. I winced hard and stopped when it groaned the last little bit. Pausing to listen for any reaction, I concluded that is well and I began to climb.

"_Helga old girl, what the hell are you doing?"_ I thought to myself as I slyly reached the roof of the boarding house. Peering into the skylight, the moon illuminated his figure. I could see every detail of him. Every hair that brushed across that beautiful face. The small smile he seemingly tried to hide, even while he sleeps.

Every ounce of my being screamed at me to go home. That I'm just going to hurt myself. That I will regret this. Yet I paid no attention to it and opened the skylight window above the foot of his bed. I slowly climbed down, careful to avoid his bed; my heart pounding out of my chest. I finally placed my footprints in the dark room and silently moved to his couch at the far end which, thank God, was down.

Perching myself on the edge of the couch I just stared at him. I fought off the regret of my decision as best I could. My stomach turned and twisted in knots and I exhaled deeply as the tears began to well up.

"_Why did I let you go?"_ I whispered to myself as I covered my face with my hand and felt the tear drops slip through my fingers. _"You were my everything. What have I done?"_

Hearing voices down the hallway, I held my breath in fear of them hearing me. Who could be up at this hour? The illogical idea of them hearing me breathe from the hallway and him not when he's in the same room never dawned on me. With the voices dying, my focus turned back to him. Tears continued to stream down my cheeks. Memories flooded my head; images went racing through my mind's eye. Everything from the day I told him how I feel, the day he asked me out. The first time he held my hand. Our first kiss. And every time he's ever told me he loved me. And every time he held me and my heart melted. I started to choke a little as my thoughts took a turn to reality. I went back to that final fight; the one that left me in emotional ruin.

I miss him so much.

I wanted with all of my being to walk over and crawl into bed with him and hold him one more time. I wanted to go back to the way things were. When I was happy; when I had him to lean on.

I hate myself for leaving him.

I heard him move in his bed and I quickly pulled my face from my hands to see him turn in his sleep. Wiping another tear from my eye I knew it was time to leave. I waited until he settled back down and I quietly walked toward his bed. I looked at him with sorrow for all that I'd done. Without thinking I leaned over and kissed him. He was warm and soft but it just wasn't the same without him kissing me back.

Reality once again set in and when I realized what I had just done, I froze in fear. Seconds seemed to pass like hours. Every muscle in my body tensed up and I waited, praying that he would stay asleep. Thankfully he didn't move. With a small sigh of relief, I climbed up his steps leading to the roof and opened his window. I looked back to see my lost prince still sleeping one last time.

Crawling out of his window, my shoe hit the latch and the window went slamming down. Horrified at what I had done, I ran to the fire escape and flew down faster than I had ever done before. Reaching the pavement below, I sprinted down the street trying to escape.

A few blocks later I slowed down, feeling that I had put enough distance between he and I, but mostly because I was exhausted. Clouds now cover the moon and stars and city was black. Streetlights lit a path down the sidewalk and at this point I had no real heading, so I followed. My chest hurt; the stress was overwhelming. I felt empty inside. I knew it was my own doing; I had told myself this is how I would feel. I coughed in the cool air as the tears fell down my face and shielded my eyes as a car or two drove by.

I felt so alone.

After about an hour of wandering aimlessly, trying to clear my mind, I made it to the docks on the river and proceeded to walk down one of the piers. A soft breeze blew and caressed my face as I watched the water begin to reflect the subtle sunrise from behind me.

And then my phone rang. Like a gunshot, I stood there frozen. My hand was shaking as I pulled it out and saw the name on the caller ID. The pain in my chest returned instantly. I didn't know if I should answer his call, but instinct took over and I placed the phone to my ear.

"…hello?" I asked sheepishly.

"Hi," he replied.

And then silence.

It was the most painful silence I've ever endured.

"How have you been?" he finally asked.

I gave a heavy sigh, trying to keep my composure.

"I'm okay. You?"

"About the same."

Another silence.

Every second that past felt like a lifetime.

"How are you really doing?" he asked.

"I'm terrible," I managed to squeak out before the flood of tears came over me again.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said; his voice seeming to trail off a bit.

"I'm sorry," I cried. "I'm so sorry. I've made the biggest mistake of my life. I wish I could take back everything. I wish I could go back in time and change everything. I miss you so much!"

I fell to my knees from the emotional pain.

There was no reply from him.

"Please answer me." I bawled.

Still no reply.

"Please Arnold. I need you."

Silence.

"I love you," I managed to whisper into the phone with the last bit of my energy.

The line disconnected.

I couldn't breathe; I felt nauseous.

"Do you really still love me?" came a familiar voice from behind me.

I looked back to see his face silhouetted in the morning sky.

I couldn't talk. I couldn't move. I was awestruck as he walked toward me, tears in his eyes as well. I stood up shaking from the combination of fear, surprise, nerves, stress and every other emotion one could have. Instantly I ran into him and hugged him as hard as I could, crying deeply into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and gently rubbed my back.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I whispered between the sobbing. "I love you so much. Please don't leave me."

"Shh…" he softly replied as he continued to hold me. "I'm not going to leave you."

With his shoulder soaked with tears, I gripped the back of his jacket with such force that my hands began to ache. I didn't mind it. There was nothing on this earth that would make be let go.

"I miss you so much," I cried again.

"I know you do," he whispered. "I miss you too."

He slowly began to rock back and forth and I inhaled deeply, trying to gain some kind of control of my emotions. I felt him pull me in closer which made me relax my grip on his jacket a bit. I haven't felt him hold me like this in a long time; I didn't want it to end. I pulled my tear soaked face from his shoulder just to see his face as damp as mine. His hand came up and wiped the remaining tears from my cheek. Instinct took over and I gave him a small kiss and, after realizing what I had just done, turned away, afraid of his reaction. Then I felt his cheek against mine as he moved in to kiss me back. It was so soft and comfortable. Familiar yet the strangest excitement came over me. I felt him begin to tear up. His hand moving through my hair and to the back of my head pulling me deeper into the kiss. I don't remember the last time we were this close to each other. I wanted time to stop. Anything to keep this moment from ending.

We finally broke away from each other; it seemed long, yet it went by so quickly. I started to shiver from all the anxiety as I tried to stare into his eyes.

"Helga, what's wrong," he whispered.

"I just miss you so much," I stammered as I again leaned my head on his shoulder.

"But I'm right here."

"It's not the same," I replied as the tear continued to fall.

"And why not?" he said as he stroked my back.

I inhaled deeply.

"Because I'm not yours anymore. Because I messed everything up. I had everything I've ever wanted with you and I threw it all away. Please Arnold. Please come back to me. I'm lost without you."

"Helga, I'm always here. I'll always be here. You know I will. I love you way too much to let you go without a fight."

"What are you saying?"

"I want to be with you, Helga. I want things to go back to the way they were. I'm a wreck without you. I can't eat, I can barely sleep, I… I'm just lost."

His gently green eyes glistened with the onset of tears. He moved in slowly for another kiss; it was just as amazing as the first. So warm and loving. I felt safe with him.

"I love you so much," I whispered as we parted lips.

"I love you too," he whispered back.

He took my hand and walked me over to the edge of the pier. He sat down and he pulled me in to sit between his legs and we both faced the water and watched the sunrise dance in the reflection of the river. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my shoulder. I leaned into him and the feeling of normality started to set in. We sat there for a while in silence, staring out over the water, watching the ships pass by. The tears finally dried from my face and I actually felt at ease. The first time in a long time.

"How did you find me?"

"I followed you," he replied. "When the window slammed, it jerked me awaked. I saw someone running away from the ceiling and heard them run down the fire escaped. I didn't know it was you until you ran past the first street light, so I managed to get dressed pretty quick and ran after you. You're pretty fast I hope you know. Anyway, I lost you for a little while toward the end so I figured I ran all the way here and instead of going home, I'd watch the sunrise at the boardwalk to clear my mind. That's when I saw you."

"I 'm happy you did."

"Me too."

"But I have a question. You said earlier that you wouldn't give me up without a fight."

"Yeah I did," he replied.

"But why did you let me go?"

He paused for a second, probably to gather his thoughts.

"You're not going to believe this, but I was actually going to call you tomorrow, or today for that matter. I guess I was just so shocked and hurt that I couldn't respond. I do that from time to time, when I can never say the things I mean or even need to say. I just couldn't say anything, and by the time I figured it out, it was too late. But you're too important to me to lose."

It was hard for me to hear that, but at the same time, I knew it was true. I blindsided him. I understood where he's coming from. I just hate what I did.

"I'm sorry," I managed to say.

"I am too," he replied. "Now what about getting some breakfast?"

"Whatever you say, Arnoldo," I said back as I looked back and gave him a quick kiss.

We stood up and walked back to the boardwalk. He wrapped his hand around my waist and I felt my face blush like it was the first time he's ever done that; I, in turn, wrapped my arm around his and leaned my head on his shoulder.

"How about something on the boardwalk? We'll talk some more." he asked.

I nodded with approval. Everything was finally right in my world. The void that was left without him has finally been filled and I finally woke up from what seemed to be a bad dream. I'll never let him go again.

**First I want to say thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. This band has a lot of songs to go off of which I'm thrilled with. I actually have another one in progress using Arnold and his first-person perspective which I'm hoping flows a little better than this one. What I do for one, I have to do for the other. Please let me know how you liked it though. It's your feedback that drives me write and any comments are more than welcome. Thanks in advance. Cheers,**

**-Rookie21**


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